Real Men Build It Themselves

Arguably politically Donald Trump is not someone I necessarily agree with but he works hard and builds hotels and runs a massive business. Steadman Graham, long time fiancée to Oprah, had and maintains a thriving business on his own.

There is a phenom with pretty boys though, aging lotharios so used to being chased by women who they use to enhance their stature wealth etc. One fellow used his association with a woman to get a tribute built to his late wife. The men have no purpose and bring nothing to the table BUT a lot of show — short-term charitable activities, a speech here and there.

The honorable thing would be to say goodbye to thesevwomen and to put energy into being a man.

Get a job, lead the project, put muscle into seeing it through, stop looking for the hook-up – it is never too late – but for these aging pretty boys it may never come to fruition.

The New and the Old

Recently I attended a DC event where the elite meet. Usually this host has A listers but it was Project Runway night and raining as well so few were in attendance, mostly it was political reporters, many of whom, did not get the memo- they still believe in their relevancy. Gathering in small circles like clucking hens -,one even bragged with snotty arrogance she didn’t know Ed Sullivan and could care less about the International Trade building- but then her publisher once deemed soon to be outed school score cheat on its cover. Still many were youngish but so amazingly out of touch with the real world. Newspapers with old heads who declare no news is local, prima Donna columnists with a let them eat cake mentality wonder why their revenue dollars are shrinking .. Not one of the elite young journalists I spoke to had seen a recent Buzzfeed on Putin including the aforementioned reporter who didn’t know Sullivan was a foreign policy reporter – for a major magazine? Grabbling to get back on top.. Suggestion .. Go back to the well.. Snobbery does not make good journalism.

Breaking out the self-centered fog

It is tough breaking out of the cycle of selfishness – but for those of us another its hold for decades freedom. The anxiety, the effort, the change that must happen – sometimes a gut renovation. The enemy will be busy as well called well meaning people who sabatoge and openly try to destroy one’s dreams and ambitions..don’t let them. Pray and keep moving forward.

High School

They had graduated from high school more than 40 years ago.  Still they did not really graduate “mentally, emotionally or physically.”  They were the rock stars and now in their late 50s,  60s and 70s their best days are behind them.  Still trying to mac down or be the player.  Their adolescent mentality has driven them to despair.  For some, are on a mission, they really still believe their own press releases.  I’ve gotten got up with their swirl before but now as I struggle to get out from under.   I was a nerd but now I know better.

Putting Someone in Their Place – Without Words

Sometimes it is not your imagination people want to do you in.  You take their advice and then they try to rope you in further to needing them.   What was a small problem with one individual suddenly looms large.  The best thing is to remove that person’s influence of you even for a moment.   Who knows why they are putting you down? Who cares? Be at peace

At Long Last

It stopped me in my tracks.  For two weeks we’ve been ducking and dodging around the issue.  Honesty was  not even in the picture.  Then it came another note, another disappointment.    This time  I was not even angry.   Though it was a business matter it was not the first time.  Business or not the root reason was the same.     I have found that when a person doesn’t like you on any level there is never anything you can do to make them.  At best they will use you for their gain or sustenance.  At worse they will disregard you, denounce you publicly and hurt you in small deliberate ways.  

So here we were years later. Nothing has changed.   It’s draining, it’s hurtful but at long last there is no reaction on my part.

It is time to let go and move on to new challenges. Soon pain and fear will be distant memories. 

Don’t Take Candy from Frenemies

Many of us  have people in our lives who try to infuse themselves through presumed deeds of kindness or generosity.   They are not friends.  Their envy and their jealousy are evident.  They are like the stranger offering candy to a youngster with more sinister intent. They are constantly on the prowl, seeking information about you, to best you ,to undermine you.  They work hard to kill your spirit, your project, your job prospect or your romantic relationship.  Sometimes all of the above. They droll out mean-spirited comments or facial expressions when they think no one else is looking or watching.  They hint with a sigh or a carefully mined word to a business associate you are not quite up to snuff. They are murderers – in some cases serial killers. We used to call the women in the pack “mean girls.” Maybe the men ‘playa haters.” It’s time for them to go. You have tolerated their antics long enough.   Banish these people from your life for good. Having a word – as suggested by the Ehow series does not work. Their sheer staying power or methodology to get into your space suggests something else is afoot. These kind of people are sent to your life from the enemy. That’s why ignoring them doesn’t so often work. Sometimes a mini-exorcism is in order. Wish them well. Smile and be pleasant when you see them. Most importantly pray for them. Better still let them know you are praying for them. Leave them alone. Tell them you are too busy doing God’s work to engage in their shenanigans.

What Else Could That Mean

Like many women I have found myself a subject to the siren call of self-help books that promise to magically and dramatically drop Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now in my lap. Although I have to do is be peppy, cheerful, supportive, seductive, mysterious, not as giving, play a game, play the rules, be direct, give up the cookie, hide the cookie, think like a man, date like a man or just stop looking period. One thing that always fueled my anger was expectations and summation of what it all could be about when a man is not available, is clearly dating others, doesn’t call – most guys do digital especially the ones that don’t like the phone. Yes, Digital Don Juans exist – but so do the guys who are because of this advanced technical age fairly busy. We are too. Maybe it is time as the great “Mama Gena” said to let go of some of that hostility. We are all doing the best we can – so are the men in our lives. Whether there for a moment or an eternity(or what seems like an eternity). The best we can do is love ourselves, love ourselves so much that it overflows.


House Speaker John Boehner recently found himself in hot water for not responding to   New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s calls but as this is not a political column  I digress.  Sometimes  people don’t quite do what we want.  Then again they  at least owe us some type of response for  the sake of common courtesy.     Boehner owed Christie a call – much more than  that .  Today I asked a colleague to respond to a simple question involving a business venture.  He chose not to respond – unfortunately that’s  not the first time.  For him it seems  it’s about power more than accomplishment.    Knowing this and reflecting on what was at stake for me versus the millions impacted by Superstorm Sandy I gave the siutation  perspective.  My colleague  merely displayed disrespectful behavior . I joked he gave me a “Boehner.” and he really just  deserves to  be ignored in turn.  My project will get done without his  help now.  Hopefully, prayerfully because of Christie’s courageous and masterful attack on Boehner , New Jersey and New York residents impacted by  the superstorm will get financial relief.  Perspective.