Sometimes one must deal with certain things (and people) for business reasons. It is always best to be careful. That slippery thing you are holding is not an eel. It is gross and there is puss in it.
Many of you know I am a fan of old television shows. There was a show with less than a year run called “Baby I’m Back” starring Desmond Wilson. Wilson also had great success with “Sanford and Son.” The premise of Baby I’m Back was after seven years a man, who deserted his family, comes back to find that his wife has moved on. The show didn’t catch on. I guess it was clear that this man who returned to his wife after seeing the world etc. didn’t really care about her, it was still more about him. Perhaps though the show was really focusing on the wife who after years of grieving and suffering over a man who deserted her had finally decided to change her life and to move on. In that sense she had finally been restored after years of agony.
Many of us have people in our lives who try to infuse themselves through presumed deeds of kindness or generosity. They are not friends. Their envy and their jealousy are evident. They are like the stranger offering candy to a youngster with more sinister intent. They are constantly on the prowl, seeking information about you, to best you ,to undermine you. They work hard to kill your spirit, your project, your job prospect or your romantic relationship. Sometimes all of the above. They droll out mean-spirited comments or facial expressions when they think no one else is looking or watching. They hint with a sigh or a carefully mined word to a business associate you are not quite up to snuff. They are murderers – in some cases serial killers. We used to call the women in the pack “mean girls.” Maybe the men ‘playa haters.” It’s time for them to go. You have tolerated their antics long enough. Banish these people from your life for good. Having a word – as suggested by the Ehow series does not work. Their sheer staying power or methodology to get into your space suggests something else is afoot. These kind of people are sent to your life from the enemy. That’s why ignoring them doesn’t so often work. Sometimes a mini-exorcism is in order. Wish them well. Smile and be pleasant when you see them. Most importantly pray for them. Better still let them know you are praying for them. Leave them alone. Tell them you are too busy doing God’s work to engage in their shenanigans.
A friend died last week. She had been sick for a very long time. Years ago we had a falling out or rather I did, Mrs. B was never the kind to hold a grudge and she proved that when four years ago we reconnected through Facebook, it was shortly after that I found out she was sick, really sick. I thought about the wasted years and the tears and the fun, the other day at her memorial service. She was to most of her friends (and me) someone who relished sisterhood, a member of an African-American sorority who had a husband who was not of color and friends of women of all races, ethnic groups and ages. One of her compliments to me is I managed to stay “nice,” and succeed. You see, sisterhood and business don’t always mix. I try to be nice to share but I find that people don’t always get the memo that it should be reciprocated that time is valuable and that we must all sometimes fend for ourselves. Sisterhood during times of stress is sometimes over rated. Sorry Ivanla, Oprah and Mama Gena. Everyone is not your friend or your sister some people just use you.
I watched with pride has millions of African-Americans exercised their right to vote across the U.S. Some bringing lawn chairs and bag lunches for the long wait. So much for stereotypes about black folks won’t wait, can’t wait don’t stick together. Tuesday night we helped elect re-elect the nation’s first African-American president.
But I digress, the real purpose for this blog is to explore why African-American women are so angry. Anger is a disease. We are so filled with rage and suspicion it is crippling our lives and our families – our men. We must find positive channels to rid ourselves of this disease. I know because I have been one of those women for so long, but I am mounting through this blog a campaign for change. I know there are books that supposedly support the plight of of black women. I met the author of one such book and she is a VERY angry black woman. Luckily, I have the pleasure of having to have been raised by a woman who is free of this disease and I plan to take her lead.