Berna's Vibe~The Way I See IT....

…January 20, 2014 is Martin Luther King, Jr Day in the United States..Here are a few little known facts about the man who is best known for his role in the advancement of civil rights using non-violent civil disobedience based on his Christian beliefs. He was a Christian American Pastor, A Husband, A Father, A PhD!, An Activist, A Humanitarian, And a LEADER in the African-American Civil Rights Movement, and the FIRST Black man behind a federal holiday in America..WOW, wow, and I’m still wow’ed when I think/reflect on the DIFFERENCE one person can make..Before I sign off I’d like to once again say THANK YOU Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr for ALL that you were & did for me, mine and America. Your ultimate sacrifice wasn’t in vain; you’ll never, ever be forgotten!

His name was originally Michael…When his Father changed his own name , to give tribute, to…

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When A Soon to Be Ex Thinks You’re An Idiot

We all have situations that didn’t work out – romance, job, hairdresser whatever. The problem is that very often it’s a situation that might have been remedied or tweeked if the person or persons involved didn’t try to play you for bad. Of course in romantic situations, some guys never really get it. They are so puffed up. They think In romance, you simply weren’t feeling the missed texts, calls, no dates, etc. – They thought you were happy to be part of a harem. You were like oh no, no thanks, you go ahead on with your bad self. They may have retorted with “you don’t understand” or “she’s just a friend” figuring they would pay the fine later. There might have been the possibility for friendship but you know when people play you for bad they never thought much of you (or themselves) to begin with. It was nice while it lasted – the best phrase ever!


Hurt always hurts. Sometimes people are crappy and unfortunate. It’s ok if you misjudged them or their intent. Sometimes it is intentional or they decided you were not worthy or they heard you were nuts or all of the above. Best to be clear and then move on. No need to be ashamed and no need to wonder. You are not missed. You were never there to them in the first place.

Real Men Build It Themselves

Arguably politically Donald Trump is not someone I necessarily agree with but he works hard and builds hotels and runs a massive business. Steadman Graham, long time fiancée to Oprah, had and maintains a thriving business on his own.

There is a phenom with pretty boys though, aging lotharios so used to being chased by women who they use to enhance their stature wealth etc. One fellow used his association with a woman to get a tribute built to his late wife. The men have no purpose and bring nothing to the table BUT a lot of show — short-term charitable activities, a speech here and there.

The honorable thing would be to say goodbye to thesevwomen and to put energy into being a man.

Get a job, lead the project, put muscle into seeing it through, stop looking for the hook-up – it is never too late – but for these aging pretty boys it may never come to fruition.

And There It Is

Sometimes things need softening in order to become tougher or stronger. Other times soft and mushy is how one feels and how one has to be. Often in love or romantic endeavors we are asked to get in the game. Funny when one is in love there is no need but to be real with one’s self.

Validation from Empty Jars

A lot of people don’t belong in your space or in your life. Unfortunately you have to do business with them or visit them on holidays but often they are the residue of years of being honed to accept less and think you don’t deserve better.  They are by nature jerks, happiest when they can find a way to put you down or make you feel pain.  One can spend years trying to make these people happy or to try to engage them in activity or beg them to be a part of your life.  Yes, one does this without realizing that their refusal is actually a blessing from God.  Do you really want a childish, underemployed, selfish man who degrades you in public even if he is good looking and  can fix things around the house?   Why are you spending years with a man who said he will never marry or commit.  Make no mistake the choice you are making for the prestige of having a man is  from a position of self-loathing.   Is being so and so’s girl or woman worth the price?  Only to have them leave you weeks, month, years later for someone who does not have your lack of self respect.   There are brothers that are worth it out there, even to date, why go out with a man who doesn’t have a job or have his act together,?

Do better for yourself.  Put the empty jars on the shelf.

Enough Already

It’s time we ended the mythology of family. I watch a friend quietly being undermined by family members as she struggles with physical issues or another friend whose mama sabotages every romantic relationship. Not everyone has that support they need. End the BS. Free yourself. As for those with significant others who mirror family members. Lose them too. You deserve better.

New Growth

When I used to get my hair permed…the need for more chemical would happen after new growth came in. This was in part so the still permed hair would not break. I have found myself now with a lot of growth spurts. There are people who I learned should not have more than a minute presence in my life for various reasons. They were able to do their do for years without consequence but now (as I have natural hair) I am in a period of new growth. The chemical, the editing of one’s life never quite stops.


The Redskins won yesterday.   For a time it looked like RG3 was going it alone as it had more than a free throwaways to keep himself from harms way.  Life is a lot like that sometimes, but there are also the folks who come at you with wishes and demands and ill intent.   It’s important not to let them sideline or outright “sack” you with their demands and criticisms.  Use your inner offense to block them.

Learning to Say No

Enough already, yet another request for free services, there are only so many hours in a day. People push lie and try to steal your hope, job and energy. They assure you they are different. Watch out for these flattering, well dressed poised for poison dart throwing and the love sick life sucking harpy in particular. The harpy should be avoided as often as possible she just perceives you as a rival. The dart thrower requires careful extraction.

Either way say just say no.