Don’t Take Candy from Frenemies

Many of us  have people in our lives who try to infuse themselves through presumed deeds of kindness or generosity.   They are not friends.  Their envy and their jealousy are evident.  They are like the stranger offering candy to a youngster with more sinister intent. They are constantly on the prowl, seeking information about you, to best you ,to undermine you.  They work hard to kill your spirit, your project, your job prospect or your romantic relationship.  Sometimes all of the above. They droll out mean-spirited comments or facial expressions when they think no one else is looking or watching.  They hint with a sigh or a carefully mined word to a business associate you are not quite up to snuff. They are murderers – in some cases serial killers. We used to call the women in the pack “mean girls.” Maybe the men ‘playa haters.” It’s time for them to go. You have tolerated their antics long enough.   Banish these people from your life for good. Having a word – as suggested by the Ehow series does not work. Their sheer staying power or methodology to get into your space suggests something else is afoot. These kind of people are sent to your life from the enemy. That’s why ignoring them doesn’t so often work. Sometimes a mini-exorcism is in order. Wish them well. Smile and be pleasant when you see them. Most importantly pray for them. Better still let them know you are praying for them. Leave them alone. Tell them you are too busy doing God’s work to engage in their shenanigans.

What Else Could That Mean

Like many women I have found myself a subject to the siren call of self-help books that promise to magically and dramatically drop Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now in my lap. Although I have to do is be peppy, cheerful, supportive, seductive, mysterious, not as giving, play a game, play the rules, be direct, give up the cookie, hide the cookie, think like a man, date like a man or just stop looking period. One thing that always fueled my anger was expectations and summation of what it all could be about when a man is not available, is clearly dating others, doesn’t call – most guys do digital especially the ones that don’t like the phone. Yes, Digital Don Juans exist – but so do the guys who are because of this advanced technical age fairly busy. We are too. Maybe it is time as the great “Mama Gena” said to let go of some of that hostility. We are all doing the best we can – so are the men in our lives. Whether there for a moment or an eternity(or what seems like an eternity). The best we can do is love ourselves, love ourselves so much that it overflows.


House Speaker John Boehner recently found himself in hot water for not responding to   New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s calls but as this is not a political column  I digress.  Sometimes  people don’t quite do what we want.  Then again they  at least owe us some type of response for  the sake of common courtesy.     Boehner owed Christie a call – much more than  that .  Today I asked a colleague to respond to a simple question involving a business venture.  He chose not to respond – unfortunately that’s  not the first time.  For him it seems  it’s about power more than accomplishment.    Knowing this and reflecting on what was at stake for me versus the millions impacted by Superstorm Sandy I gave the siutation  perspective.  My colleague  merely displayed disrespectful behavior . I joked he gave me a “Boehner.” and he really just  deserves to  be ignored in turn.  My project will get done without his  help now.  Hopefully, prayerfully because of Christie’s courageous and masterful attack on Boehner , New Jersey and New York residents impacted by  the superstorm will get financial relief.  Perspective.

The Age Of

I have known for some time that I need to take a new course in my life. As a middle-aged woman I have been told by some my options are not as many. I don’t believe it. Neither should you. Age is but a number. Great things remain to be accomplished in all of our lives if we let them come to us. Each opportunity is what it is.


Today I had a lesson in just want it takes to offer excellence in the world – not all anger is unjustified but we must use it in a way that benefits us.

Beware Empty Vessels

I recently went through a house remodel.  I find that even with a new kitchen I am also purging other things out of my life.  Like many women I like pretty things, jewelry, pretty men.  As I’ve grown older I’ve found my taste as changed and I like smart men .  Mostly recently a former whatever as resurfaced to try to steal some of my current joy. A pretty but aging vessel with no soul or willingness to connect to the real world on a real level.  Why I asked him repeatedly?  Why the cruel treatment?  You see I let him in,  and now as through this blog I am purging him once more.  It’s not that he’s so bad, I’ve just been sick and pretty angry  that I let myself fall victim to his sheninagans.  Angry becuase he could have been a better person.  Still I remain hopeful, not that he will change and be better.  Frankly I know once I regain full physical health he will again be a memory and glad because the geniune article full of promise and love is within reach.


During my time at my mom’s house, my play aunt Gloria came to call Aunt Gloria and her daughter Kim have always been a source of inspiration for me and for my family. They look just alike, both are energetic and successful. Aunt Gloria as an educator, sorority maven and member of the National Council of Negro Women and Kim as a corporate executive, mom and now consultant. Seems during her Bermuda childhood Aunt Gloria played with Elizabeth soon to be future Queen of England. She and HER mother also had two private audiences with the Queen. Everyday I think of the marvelous women friends and lady friends I’ve helped or who have helped me along the way and feel truly blessed. Of course as many of you know CCL is also royalty as are Jean Claude and Koko ..and the late great Roxie the other queen.