I was almost horrified at her envious stare. My housekeeper? Come on. She has a good life but there she was as she admonished. How can you even think of being in a business for yourself? Her world is informed by her experiences and she wanted to inform my world as well. Her job is to clean my house, but she seemed intent on destroying my spirit. Not sure she will be invited back.
Many of you know I am a fan of old television shows. There was a show with less than a year run called “Baby I’m Back” starring Desmond Wilson. Wilson also had great success with “Sanford and Son.” The premise of Baby I’m Back was after seven years a man, who deserted his family, comes back to find that his wife has moved on. The show didn’t catch on. I guess it was clear that this man who returned to his wife after seeing the world etc. didn’t really care about her, it was still more about him. Perhaps though the show was really focusing on the wife who after years of grieving and suffering over a man who deserted her had finally decided to change her life and to move on. In that sense she had finally been restored after years of agony.
Sometimes it is not your imagination people want to do you in. You take their advice and then they try to rope you in further to needing them. What was a small problem with one individual suddenly looms large. The best thing is to remove that person’s influence of you even for a moment. Who knows why they are putting you down? Who cares? Be at peace
It stopped me in my tracks. For two weeks we’ve been ducking and dodging around the issue. Honesty was not even in the picture. Then it came another note, another disappointment. This time I was not even angry. Though it was a business matter it was not the first time. Business or not the root reason was the same. I have found that when a person doesn’t like you on any level there is never anything you can do to make them. At best they will use you for their gain or sustenance. At worse they will disregard you, denounce you publicly and hurt you in small deliberate ways.
So here we were years later. Nothing has changed. It’s draining, it’s hurtful but at long last there is no reaction on my part.
It is time to let go and move on to new challenges. Soon pain and fear will be distant memories.
Many of us have people in our lives who try to infuse themselves through presumed deeds of kindness or generosity. They are not friends. Their envy and their jealousy are evident. They are like the stranger offering candy to a youngster with more sinister intent. They are constantly on the prowl, seeking information about you, to best you ,to undermine you. They work hard to kill your spirit, your project, your job prospect or your romantic relationship. Sometimes all of the above. They droll out mean-spirited comments or facial expressions when they think no one else is looking or watching. They hint with a sigh or a carefully mined word to a business associate you are not quite up to snuff. They are murderers – in some cases serial killers. We used to call the women in the pack “mean girls.” Maybe the men ‘playa haters.” It’s time for them to go. You have tolerated their antics long enough. Banish these people from your life for good. Having a word – as suggested by the Ehow series does not work. Their sheer staying power or methodology to get into your space suggests something else is afoot. These kind of people are sent to your life from the enemy. That’s why ignoring them doesn’t so often work. Sometimes a mini-exorcism is in order. Wish them well. Smile and be pleasant when you see them. Most importantly pray for them. Better still let them know you are praying for them. Leave them alone. Tell them you are too busy doing God’s work to engage in their shenanigans.
A friend died last week. She had been sick for a very long time. Years ago we had a falling out or rather I did, Mrs. B was never the kind to hold a grudge and she proved that when four years ago we reconnected through Facebook, it was shortly after that I found out she was sick, really sick. I thought about the wasted years and the tears and the fun, the other day at her memorial service. She was to most of her friends (and me) someone who relished sisterhood, a member of an African-American sorority who had a husband who was not of color and friends of women of all races, ethnic groups and ages. One of her compliments to me is I managed to stay “nice,” and succeed. You see, sisterhood and business don’t always mix. I try to be nice to share but I find that people don’t always get the memo that it should be reciprocated that time is valuable and that we must all sometimes fend for ourselves. Sisterhood during times of stress is sometimes over rated. Sorry Ivanla, Oprah and Mama Gena. Everyone is not your friend or your sister some people just use you.
Like many women I have found myself a subject to the siren call of self-help books that promise to magically and dramatically drop Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now in my lap. Although I have to do is be peppy, cheerful, supportive, seductive, mysterious, not as giving, play a game, play the rules, be direct, give up the cookie, hide the cookie, think like a man, date like a man or just stop looking period. One thing that always fueled my anger was expectations and summation of what it all could be about when a man is not available, is clearly dating others, doesn’t call – most guys do digital especially the ones that don’t like the phone. Yes, Digital Don Juans exist – but so do the guys who are because of this advanced technical age fairly busy. We are too. Maybe it is time as the great “Mama Gena” said to let go of some of that hostility. We are all doing the best we can – so are the men in our lives. Whether there for a moment or an eternity(or what seems like an eternity). The best we can do is love ourselves, love ourselves so much that it overflows.